plow

The PLOW support group people had gathered more than an hour before a middle-aged Woody Allen type individual barges in, wearing a rain-drenched olive trench coat and glasses that look like they’d been through at least one of the great Wars.
-Hey, fellas, sorry for interrupting, is this the PLOW support group? P-L-O-W?
-Yes, says the chairperson, do come in, goodness; why don’t you leave your trench to dry near the radiator over there and come join us when you’re ready. I’m Margaret, welcome to PLOW.
-W-why thank you, Margaret, I’m Rob, thank you all f-for receiving me in your midst.
<everybody>-Hi, Rob!
It takes at most 20 seconds for an individual to get undressed during rainy season. Lots of gear to get rid of. Rob has an innate talent consisting of latency in undressing. New record, two minutes and a half.
This champion of muddlement then proceeds to take a seat in the audience while the current speaker keeps telling his story:
-[…] and then I was in such an uproar due to that movie that my cardiologist had to prescribe me some blood pressure-lowering meds, I was on those for a couple of days, it was so intense. I kept dreaming of that movie, and my life depicted in it, and that it’s so meta and such an accurate and powerful metaphor for my entire life! You can’t help but be amazed at such wonders in life. It had been two years and ten days since I last remembered having such an experience. And it has been a year and a half since it happened, and I can honestly say I have not gone through any such states ever since.
Everyone, on queue: -Congratulations, David!
Margaret goes on to welcome the newcomer:
-So, Rob, why don’t you tell us a couple of words about yourself, yes? Since we’re all now a bit more familiar in this safe space.
-Why sure, says Rob, and proceeded to trudge towards the tiny podium. I’ll start with a thousand words first — takes a polaroid out of his pocket, holds it up for the group to see. His raison d’être.

Cut to half an hour later: entire audience on oxygen masks and stretchers, rushing towards an emergency room nearby.
Outside PLOW’s HQ, Rob is being questioned by the police.
-Y-you’ll have to understand, officer, I didn’t mean to.. Whatever I did. What did I do?!? I .. Can’t..
The officer scratches her head:
-Please allow the forensics team to collect the photo, sir.
-It’s my raison d’être!! How could I part w-w-with it..
A door opens and a cheerful crowd rushes past Rob-
-Oooh, hey man, amazing pic!! Can i snap it with my phone?
-Yeah, don’t you belong in our group by any chance? We’re PLOW!
Rob, faintly: -No, I just literally ended one of their sessions… caused all of PLOW’s session participants severe panic attacks and two of them even pre-heart attacks.
-Uhm, you’re talking about the other PLOW.
-Not the porn casting agency, right?
-Of course not, man. People who-
Rob:Love…
Man:Loathe…
Both: Oversized W easels.

Originally published at http://trepanatie.wordpress.com on October 25, 2017.